A Hole in One

Really, it was less surprising then it should’ve been.

He looked me in the eyes, waved, and set the empty box down amongst his recycling.

I stood transfixed at the sight of the half-naked anime girl, posing wantonly on the cover, a little in awe of this brazen act of disregard.

But I had to say, I admired it.

It was a lovely fall afternoon. Leaves were fluttering in the lawn, kids home from school were playing in the yard, and families walked by with their dogs.

Amidst this quiet, idyllic, suburban scenery, you could not ignore the green box sitting out in the street drawing stares and heated whispers.

All pretense had been dropped.

It wasn’t a good thing or a bad thing.

It just was what it was.

I read a book once about men at sea during the Age of Discovery.

After months of being out on the ocean they would find an empty jar and pack it tight with earthworms. They’d fit as many of them as they could before taking it below deck and relieving themselves.

It was a good source of protein for the earthworms.

In middle school, the older kids would tell you to get an empty toilet roll, fill it with petroleum jelly and whack yourself silly.

Hands down, closest to the real thing you could get, they said.

But if that wasn’t your style they’d tell you to try the “Stranger”. That’s when you’d sit on your hand until it went numb and then jerk yourself off.

You could close your eyes and imagine that it was Dame Judi Dench, or Helen Mirren right there with you getting your rocks off.

The list went on and on, but you get the gist.

Humans are capable of such creativity and innovation, but we use most of it to figure out the best way to get a nut.

That’s what came to my mind as I stood staring at the green box.

As stunned as I was, as unsettling as it was to see, my mind started to wander…

I had half a mind to walk across the street and knock on his door.

I hope they let us out soon.

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