A Panic Attack Is Just As Unpredictable As the Ocean

Last June we drove out to Colorado to visit my son and his family. I was very nervous about leaving home, that’s what happens when you suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, you fear being out of your comfort zone. Instead of feeling excited like I used to before traveling, the days leading up to leaving left me feeling exhausted, shaky and moody. It was hard to motivate myself to pack our bags, something I used to do without giving it a second thought because I was pumped to get going. I wanted the merry go round in my mind to stop.

All the anxious feelings I had prior to leaving left me as soon as we jumped in the car. I suddenly felt free! The sun was shining, I turned up the volume on the radio, my husband and I both purchased lattes for the road and we were off. The highway looked so welcoming and I found myself singing to the music in the car… as my husband would glance over at me with a grin. No, he wasn’t grinning because I can sing like a rock star, just grinning because I like to sing. We both felt a sense of freedom once we hit the road. I remember thinking to myself, “why did you worry so much?” As if I had control over it.

We took our time heading out to Colorado. It was a 1600 mile trip one way, so we decided to take our time going down. My husband and I went at our own pace, there was no stress, we were so relaxed. I knew once we arrived at my son’s home that would change, we would be on their families schedule, not mine, or at least the the one I felt I had control over. I tried so hard to focus on all the positives- spending time my grandsons, sitting together as a family because we don’t get to do that often and feeling fortunate to see the beauty of Colorado. The first 3–4 days were great!

On or about day five I woke up feeling exhausted, I felt as though I was in a deep fog. I was hoping the feeling would leave me once I had my first cup of coffee and showered. Not only did I feel like I was enveloped in fog, I felt as though I was having an out of body experience and panic began to set in. I had medicine with me in case I did have break through anxiety so I took a pill. I began to feel a bit…

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