Granny!

Some people travel with us till the end of life but some people leave us in the middle. Their exit from our life can have multiple reasons. There are literally millions of reasons/factors that can separate people some are human controllable, some are almighty controllable, some are mistakes, some are miscommunications but when a person goes out or starts to go out it pains. It pains every time a dearest person leaves. I should learn to cope up with the pain of someone’s departing. I love people really fast and deep, but there are few people who I love the most. Rather than writing all this, I should start venting out my emotions. This may help me in getting control over the uncontrolled emotions running here and there.

Granny, first and foremost love of my life is battling with her life. She got paralysed with brain haemorrhage two days ago. All my family members are very much tensed to let me know about her condition and I knew this today. Better late than never I booked my flights for going home. I should catch today’s 10:50pm flight that takes me to a small town in Andhra Pradesh from where I should travel for an hour to reach her. It’s 1:33 am here and I am not feeling sleepy, I tried to distract myself with every other thing possible but still my mind is going to granny. I don’t want to see her hospitalized. I always remember that beautiful face with a broad smile and a beautiful bindi. I am very much worried to see her or even imagine her in a situation explained by my mom.

After that call from mom, I can imagine what granny is going through. I can imagine the distress she is undergoing. For me this is the most painful situation in life. Seeing my most loving person in a situation like this and the worst thing is I cannot do anything about it. Mom said Doctors are trying their level best to make her feel well alright. I really want her to revive herself and be that happy, smiling granny again. She used to feed me all the time when I went home, she used to cook delicious meal specially for me, she used to fight with all the world and stand with me in anything and everything. I was not terrified even about ending my life but for the first time, very first time in life I am utterly anxious and terrified at the same time. I am very sensitive person, when the other person is in pain or any problem tears roll down my cheeks unknowingly but now my tears are not rolling down, I am not feeling anything, I am numb. I have been doing everything and anything perfectly. I watched a movie, I talked to friends, but my thoughts are running around her. My soul is not here, it is roaming around her. My body and physical presence are here. My brain, soul, thoughts everything else incuding my emotions are with her. I may cry tomorrow after seeing her, I really need to control my emotions to the core such that Dad and others can stay strong. One thing I pray to lord is “If possible bring her back revive her and make her completely well otherwise give her the eternal moksha that can free her soul from life and death cycle. God! Please get her out of the torture she is going through”.

PS:

Note to Granny: I love you and I don’t want to miss you for life.

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