A Happy Life.

In previous post A Data Scientist’s guide to happiness we found that we seem to be wanting things that apparently make us unhappy or atleast not happy.But why ?

‘Miswanting’ as coined by Daniel Gilbert refers to the act of being mistaken about what and how much you will like something in the future.Our strongest intuitions are often wrong.

Evolution kicked in some nasty tendencies into our brains which not surprisingly are good enough for keeping us alive but can leave us miserable.

We think in relatives:

Our visual system shows this glaringly.

But,this is rooted much more deeply in our perception.We have developed constant need to compare ourselves with others.A good job is not good enough unless we compare with others.We are the most affluent generation ever.Today,even a middle class family in a developed country enjoy’s more pleasures than the kings of past generations.

When people get a salary hike their happiness seems to depend not on the absolute value but:

Reference Point 1:

a.Personal Comparison: What we used to make.

Researchers found that when people were asked about their ideal salary it seems to depend on their present income.If you want a cool number for every dollar we make we need 0.4 more to be happy.

Reference Point 2:

b.Peer comparison : What others make.

This tendency holds true in all other aspects of life.

perceptual adaptation

We get used to everything.After a while that dream job of your’s,the sports car you have always wanted or even your love doesn’t seem that special anymore.It get’s boring.In reality all the awesome stuff we long won’t give us as much(both in intensity and duration …remember ‘miswanting’) pleasure we like to think.We adapt faster than we would like.

First,let’s understand the fundamental mechanism.Why do we compare ? To compare we need memory and imagination.Then a willingness to measure our present state with either the memory of past or imagined future.The willingness can only exist under the impression of insuffiency.This willingness further creates an object of comparison also called ego.This sets the stage for the vicious loop with the ego creating ever stronger desire to measure and compare constantly.But,why is there any willingness in the first place ?Frankly,I do not know. What’s important is this process happens under our conscious notice.We become the process.Ego becomes the reality.A tiny bit of attention is enough to see this clearly.

Now,what makes things boring.

Humans are the only species that are not wired to conduct themselves in any way.We are infinitely malleable.Our society and culture merely conditions us .Absolutes of any kind are non-existant.Our ability to imagine and plan helps us in our survival.It has got nothing to do with happiness and fulfilment.Our compulsion to compare present experience with the the memory of past draws out attention from the moment.In reality,every moment is new.Sensory stimulus is followed by perception and then followed by further stimulus.Boredom arises in the gap where the perception is occluded by the memory of past and then a comparision ensues,taking out our involvement with the present.

Put simply you knowing that you get angry will not make you any less angry.Your realization of what makes you unhappy suddenly won’t drop your habit of constant self-evaluation.Either by intention or by default we have been lowering our levels of awareness.Everytime we let somebody tell us what makes us happy — whether it’s your neighbour with jaguar or a tv commercial or a new self-help book we are giving away our capacity for joy.This can’t be a good model when the sense of well-being comes from within.

Here are some habits that have shown to increase our well-being.

Almost,all of the above are no brainer.Take up the challenge.pick any one of the above.Just one.Now,Define(better if you write this somewhere or share with other people) exactly what you would like to do.Here’s a scientifically proven approach for successful goal setting.

Say you want to start meditation.Your goal setting should involve two steps.

a. Specificity: I will meditate for 10 mins every day after i wake up in the morning for the next 30 days.(quantitave precision.)

b.Visualization: Think about both positive outcomes and also follow with possible obstacles.

Note : Do yourself a favor.Never overshoot your expectations.In fact,try this.Write down your ideal expectation(say 30 mins of meditation.)Now,cut this down by half.Make it so easy that it’s impossible to fail.This creates a positive feedback.Now you are not obliged.As you successfully complete your targets everyday..you not only get the benefit of consistency but also makes it easy to overshoot your expectations creating further impetus.

Related posts:

Have you ever had someone stay with you about seven days too long? Or got the sinking feeling after six and half days at someone else’s house that YOU might be that person? Well, don’t worry — I’ve…

Please read the new interview with AltCoin Magazine https://medium.com/altcoin-magazine/founder-interview-with-dr-babak-behboudi-from-synchronium-3847979e329b

Narrow streets of cobblestone very small (the second 1129. 06/02/2007 01:44 PM If you already played Site Might Help You. Africa) [to woman] Hujambo The Way You Are Sales Chart positions[21] Album…